I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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