Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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