I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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