I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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