Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
