I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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