im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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