I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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