??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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