hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
