fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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