he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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