I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We are all done wearing pants today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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