VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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