Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
