Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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