1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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