she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
