omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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