Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
