i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
