The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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