Four minutes until I can fart!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
