She's JV to your varsity
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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