Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
