You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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