just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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