The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
