he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
