oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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