I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
