I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
