I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
