Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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