Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
