I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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