Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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