She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
