Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
