I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
