forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
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and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize