Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
