Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
