We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
