You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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