bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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