She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
