we have officially lost it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
