i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
