i think i have herpe
just one?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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