Your face is a jimmy john
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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