I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
