Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
