I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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