he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
