I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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