my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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