I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
