yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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