I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
sex in a hospital.. check
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
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