Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
